I have been single for almost two years now and from my previous posts, you will already know that I’m not looking for a boyfriend. I don’t want to be in a relationship again yet. Don’t worry, I haven’t been scarred. I just have certain things in my life that I want to fall into place first and I just don’t feel that I’m in a position where I can contribute to a relationship. When you’re with someone you have to give up a lot of your time and put in a decent amount of effort to make things work. I just don’t want to do that.
You’re constantly bored even though you don’t want a boyfriend.
My sister always says to me that she thinks I’m the kind of person who will hit 30 and be at the height of her career, but not have met anyone yet because I’m too focused on achieving my own goals. In all honesty she’s probably right. I’m not the kind of person who goes out and seeks anything romantic and I suppose that’s why sometimes I end up really bored. If you’re not going on dates or talking to a few people then being single can be really boring.
People always want to play matchmaker with you and someone you don’t like.
Like, when my friends tell me about dates that they’ve been on and I’m just listening with absolutely nothing to contribute. I can’t remember the last time I went on a date and for a single, 23 year old, I think that’s pretty shocking. You probably think it’s shocking too. In fact, you are probably the kind of person I’m talking about! The kind that goes Omg we need to find you someone, what’s your type? or You and … look so good together, when are you going to start dating? Never.
You want to go on dates but you actually can’t be bothered.
Which brings me on to my next point. The thought of putting in the effort of doing my hair and my make-up and choosing a nice outfit is too much for me. Do I wear jeans and a nice top? Which nice top do I even wear? Next thing I’m rooting through my drawers realising that none of my tops are nice enough to wear so basically I have nothing to wear and therefore I’m not going. I’m honestly so lazy with this kind of thing. I really take pride in my appearance but on an everyday basis that’s just for my own personal gratification. To put in effort to impress someone else and then have that date not go very well is not a risk that I want to take. Where some people would see that as an experience, I would see that as a waste of good hair, on point (and fairly expensive!) make-up and a great outfit. Although this mindset needs to change because I do plan to start going on dates!
You have no one to share things with.
The other day I bought a few bits in the Boux Avenue sale. If you don’t get your underwear from Boux Avenue then I don’t know what you’re doing. Their items are so beautiful and so affordable and when you shop with them they put everything in a really nice pink bag with some tissue paper and it’s just all very pretty. Oh and when you order from them, it comes in a big pink box with tissue paper and little scented pearls in a drawstring pouch that you can use to keep your drawers smelling lovely. It’s just great, okay? What’s not so great, is when you buy a nice bra or matching set and you have no one to show it to but your bedroom mirror. Lingerie is like the one thing nobody will ever see but you, unless you have a boyfriend.
Everyone that likes you, you don’t like.
There’s always someone around isn’t there? I love to say that there’s no one in my life and I don’t get enough attention blah blah blah, but it’s a lie. During these past two years it’s not that I haven’t received attention. It’s just that I get attention from all the wrong people. People that I just don’t fancy at all. I honestly can’t fake it. I won’t even go on one date, I’ll just make up some excuse and hope they forget to ask me again. Which usually they don’t because boys are relentless and clearly very hard of hearing. I just find it really difficult to reject people, which is a lame excuse. I should probably stop being so ridiculous and just tell them I don’t like them, I know I know.
It never ends up going anywhere with the people you do like.
I just feel unlucky sometimes. It takes many months for me to even admit that I’m interested in someone. And then as soon as I do that’s when things start going wrong. Like suddenly I just never see them anymore or they don’t talk to me anymore or I see them with somebody else. It’s like oh, how bloody convenient! Great, fucking great. And it’s not even someone disposable either, it’s usually someone that they’ve been with before and definitely really like. We all have that one person don’t we? I feel like when I like someone, they end up somehow finding that one person that they really like (this is what I extricate) and I just don’t have the energy to compete with that so I give up.
You keep people at arm’s length.
I don’t want to develop feelings for anyone. The way it works for me is that, I have to have an insatiable connection with someone before I start pursuing anything. Me being attracted to someone is not enough. It has to be the kind of attraction where I actively want more. Not where I can take it or leave it. I have to be at the stage where I can no longer sit back and see what happens. However we all know how easy it can be to slip in to having real feelings for someone. Which I obviously don’t want because I don’t want a boyfriend and therefore I don’t want to start wanting someone to be my boyfriend. Make sense? I just want to stay in that fun stage where you’re both bouncing off each other and it’s very chilled. This shouldn’t be so hard.
Deep breath. Rant over. Single life is not always easy. Today’s lesson? You can be a lone wolf and still catching migraines over boys. 🙄